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Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:31 pm
by Gray
Submitted by shmerg#5535

gleppa dapdong, expert chemist
make autolathe in chemistry
construct big potassium bombs
blow up a welder tank, along with bomb, ontop of the club, where a sort of boxing tournament was taking place
no one suspects the chemist
right as round ends, and everyones in a pod, i scream alluah akbar and exlpode in glory

Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:32 pm
by Gray
Submitted by v.Nozey#3568

The Tale of the Pizzeria
>Started out as a random lowborn vagabond
>Do the usual crap of walking around maints and picking up shiny stuff
>Hear FO constantly blabbing over the Common about all kinds of stupid stuff like job changes, glass breaking, pizza orders
>At some point, a Carrion revealed himself in some fashion and the FO changed to Red Alert state and presumably, went to go valid hunt for the man
>The Guild personnel are hollering about the pizza crate that has arrived, but the FO is too busy to go get it
>I got an idea.png
>Walk over to cargo as my bum ass self and put on my confident face
>“Yes, the FO sent me here to pick up the pizza crate.”
>Receive full crate of pizza at no charge
>Run away into the maintenance back to my base across from the morgue
>Immediately open up the window nearest to the morgue and start advertising the sale of Pizza by the slice priced at 10 credits
>Get a customer, serve them some pizza
>Another customer, but this time it’s the Club Manager
>He buys a slice….and throws it at me
>“This is what I think of your pizza!”
>Enraged, I tell him to leave my establishment; he said something like “this isn’t over” and waddled away
>Keep serving pizza and frequently advertising cheap slices over common, get pretty good business due to easy to find location across from the morgue
>Club Worker shows up in technomancer Voidsuit(uh oh)
>Says the Club Manager demands 20% of all my profits or there will be consequences
>I take this as a threat and proceed to climb over the window and grapple the dude
>When he pulls a gun, I pulled my kitchen knife and sliced him several times
>Get shot 3 times and managed to run away, loop around and get into a stasis bag in the back of my Pizzeria
>After taunting the Club over the common that they couldn’t even get rid of one pizza guy, I crawl over to medical and get stitched up
>At this point, as I return to my pizzeria, I witness a deadly gank of some random person chasing the notorious criminal Montague
>He shot a welding tank as they walked by for a stun and started running away
>Some random technomancer suit wearing Vagabond with a Blank name starts chainsawing the person who got stunned
>Me and Montague standing there like “What the fuck” since im not involved and he didn’t even want to kill the person but merely stun their pursuer
>Montague offers me 4000 credits to “make a pizza” out of the body
>I accept since the person is already dead and take them down to the back and dispose of the body using my cleaver
>The blood is on my dick now
>As I return from my grisly duty, I notice the disposal near my place was blown up by the welding fuel tank
>The Club Manager suddenly gets spit out of the disposal pipe literally right where I am standing
>I had zipties ready, so I cuffed him and dragged him into my pizzeria and prepared to demand a ransom from his lackeys
>As im fiddling with the text box, the Club Worker who shot me earlier gets spit out in the exact same spot as the Manager did and catches me completely off guard
>I try to move, but forgot about the underplating and eat shit right in front of him
>Proceed to get shot multiple times, He unloaded his pistol on my face planted body
>All of a sudden, Montague shows up and carries me to an undisclosed location and performs impromptu surgery saving my life
>Deciding that this was the last straw, I get my explosive implant ready and my gun loaded and walk to the club
>Club Manager and Worker think im dead, having a great time with some customer
>Start typing out a whole spiel about how they are enjoying their drinks while I was recovering from bullets
>Random Blank Named Vagabond from earlier sprints into the club while im typing my 2nd message and just unloads on everyone in front of me with an STS-35
>Club Worker goes down, then the manager, and the customer
>Im standing at the bridge of the Club with empty hands and my adversaries are dead without me firing a single shot
>Oh well; I hop the counter and implant the Manager with the explosive implant and activate it with my Special Codeword “Pizza”
>Return to my Pizzeria with 1 less competitor and start offering pizza slices again

>Decide to take my criminal activities a step further and acquire 2 items for my business: The Ironhammers Bluespace Biosyphon so I could offer donuts to my customers and the Maneki Neko, which brings endless fortune to any business.
>Break into Ironhammer via the maints and grab the Donut Wormhole Machine
>I check in with Montague over the encrypted channel and let him know Ive stolen the Biosyphon
>Get no response
>Return to my shop and serve customers for 20 or so minutes, In that timeframe an Ironhammer Inspector awoke from cryosleep
>I run over to the Guild to try and buy cleaning supplies since my shop is a mess
>Spend 10 minutes hanging around waiting until I decided to give up
>Return to my Pizzeria
>There are corpses everywhere
>And I mean everywhere. Every single person that died that round probably, including the Club staff, the random customer, the body that I disposed of myself and chopped up for montague, and several other that I hadn’t even seen
>Atleast 6- 7 dead people in my pizza shop
>I have to hide this, I cant be blamed for all this
>Tried to break into the Kitchen and steal gibber but found that it isn’t movable
>Start the process of dragging the bodies 2 at a time through the central maintenance into the lower level of the club and throwing them down into the NT Bioreactor
>Get rid of 4 bodies, going back for the last couple and I hear the Inspector ask if I am still serving donuts at my shop
>Run the fuck back to my shop and throw all the bodies in lockers, along with the bluespace biosyphon
>Inspector comes over, I sell him my slice and donut combo for 15 credits
>He munches it while keeping a light conversation and goes on his merry way
>Found out later that Montague had tipped him off about the bodies and I figured that it was him that was fucking with me at that point because hes the only one that knew I had anything to do with those murders
>Ditch the last 2 bodies and refocus on my Original tasks: Heisting the Maneki Neko.
>I break into the Guild by walking in and building a rack to the top level and start walking to the merchants office
>Nerd Guild Tech shows up and I tell him that he better keep his mouth shut
>Runs away and immediately rats me out
>I climb the railing and turn off my lights hoping that he doesn’t see me just slightly out of the way
>Montague shows up and tells the confused Guild techs that im standing right there
>I Faceplant down into the lower levels and build another rack to climb out via the Mining Dock conveyor belts
>Loop around to the top deck maints and break the window above the merchants office and jump down
>Smash and Grab the Neko and faceplant down in the cargo lobby and book it with the Precious Cat
>Set it up in my Pizzeria, proceed to get many customers and make friends with another traitor named Mona who gives me thermal lenses
>Hear some chatter about Bones breaking into somewhere and figure it was about me stealing the Neko, but nobody comes to retaliate or anything
>Bluespace jump is called, traitor friend is talking about how they have some kinda problem with the Guild
>I say we walk over there for the end of the round festivities
>As we show up, people start calling about an active shooter in Cargo
>Walk around to the junk beacon and see someone go into the cargo and hear them activate a chameleon projector, so I walk into cargo(I had AA at this point) and click on the random bullet casing just chilling on the floor
>Its literally my Doppelganger with my name, scorpion jacket and jumpsuit, down to the nearest detail except the ID card profession was not that of a Feline herder or Vagabond, but labeled “Pizzaboy”
>Put 2 and 2 together, Montague has been impersonating me to commit crimes and ruining my establishments reputation
>Still, im not gonna randomly start shooting so we decide to settle our differences later since a horde of valid hunters was already at the gates ready to put down the “active shooter”
>Die to some guild tech wearing a Technomancer suit as Montague makes his escape, people slowly start realizing I was framed and there was 2 Bones the whole time
>Roll Credits
Tl;dr: Conned a pizza crate from Guild to open a business, was forced into crime by racketeering Club Staff, ended up being an accessory to murder and falling under the influence of Notorious criminals as I descended deeper into the Life of Crime, Having to dispose of multiple corpses under pressure from the Ironhammer Inspector, and pulling several ill advised heists, ending with me being impersonated to commit even more heinous acts by my previous Co-Conspirator

Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2020 4:23 pm
by Gray
Submitted by Maikilangiolo#8770

>be me, vagabond
>looking for the stash on some coords
>it's the cap stash
>it has a spare inside
>cap has not spawned yet, so I promote myself to captain
>i announce to him that he is now demoted to second acting captain, below my rank of first captain
>I even bring a papersheet signed and stamped my the captain (me, obvs)
>I build a new office in library backroom with everything a captain needs
>hire Hans, the clown, and a random vagabond as my bodyguards, then arm the with IH armor taken straight from armory
>all is well, until schlomo signs up as Lt
>goes ballistic on me being captain and someone stealing his shit, idk, didn't really listen
>he starts to upgrade the cameras to find me and kill me, somehow he blames me for it
>hans gets into my office, stun gloves me as I cry about his betrayal
>turns out, he wanted to arrest me before schlomo did and turn me in
>schlomo died, however
>he releases me and apologizes, and I don't demote him

>when I made Hans bodyguard, I gave him AA
>he made captain every other crewmember, from vagabond to scientist
>the ship is a shitshow
>simski organizes an expedition, and all of the ship save for me, hans and simski leave to shoot shit
>I rolled antag after I found the spare, but didn't really put it to use
>decide to organize a takeover of the ship
>go to medbay, where simski is, then take out an STS (with rubbers), crit simski and cuff him to a chair, naked
>I demote his ID to no access whatsoever and label the ID "Slave"
>one down, now we need to wait for the rest to come
>I was badly hurt because simski retaliated with lethals
>go under surgery with hans helping me
>however, surgery goes sideways and I die
>hans frees simski, he gets his normal ID status back, crew comes from the expedition while my broken body lies on the surgery table
>no one had the chance to hear me declare the take over
>no one noticed I was missing
>a vagabond appropriated my office

Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2020 11:45 pm
by Gray
Submitted by Wouju#1831

>Be TE
>fuck around
>get bored
>build with John Bell a vagabond sushi bar
>get bored
>eat an entire MRE
>NSA going bonkers
>some dude trying to take Predrag's challenge
>"Move aside nerd"
>eat both shrooms
>NSA reaches red
>become slime person
>before commiting suicide like a good ancap we shoot a blitz
>do a flip by shooting myself in the head
>fucking blow up
>everyone freaks out
>become MMI
>become spider bot
>run around fucking around
>Literal bald vagabond steals something from John's sushi bar
>start chasing them and zapping them
>jump over a railing
>fucking explode in a shower of gibs
>realize im still alive
>my MMI is invisible
>stuck in the 4th dimension
>eventually i'm picked back up and put into John's hands
>mob lynch ensues
>bounty is given
>the vagabond is brought in dead
>"fired back"
>Serbs show up
>shooty shoot while i cheer on from the satchel
>eventually we reach the serb ship
>filled with chickens
>quit server to hop onto another one
>still had loads of fun

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Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:04 pm
by Gray
Submitted by Valo#3611

>Be Me, Mobius Scientist, Eve Richter
>Fuck around doing nothing for awhile
>Robot finds some decent disks
>based robot
>decide to make a disk cloner for infinite guns
>grab circuit and start making the cloner
>how the fuck do i do this shit
>co worker offers to do it for me if i grab resources from the guild
>head to guild and buy some resources
>that will be 5k
>oh wait im broke
>ask my co-workers for money
>all of them are either broke or refuse include the guy who asked me to get the mats earlier
>fucking thanks
>make deal with guild that they can use our disk cloner if they keep us supplied with disks and we give them a few cloned disks and pay them 1.5k
>guildie accepts
>bring mats back to the lab
>dickhead co worker doesnt even thank me
>ask for the disks
>doesnt give them
>go off to grab something
>come back and dickhead says
>"yeah the guild merchant was pissed off and asked for the disks so i blamed you and didnt give them to him"
>gee thanks
>guild merchant comes back and screams my name.
>oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck
>find original disks among the pile and attempt to clone them
>they are all corrupted
>panic mode
>ask dickhead co worker to clone the disks as i cant figure it out
>refuses and throws me under the bus
>want to shoot him in the face but dont want to get bwoinked
>give the merchant the corrupted disks and slam the shutter until i can figure something out
>bounty was placed on me
>start printing guns
>cower in the lab until the chemist starts getting shot at and asks for my help
>decide to help him as im a dead person anyway
>kill the greytider but get wounded
>guildies start surrounding my wounded body
>based roboticist drags me to medbay
>and starts healing me
>clown steals my guns and armor
>roboticist chases after clown
>guildies surround my wounded body
>get dragged off in a locker to medbay toilets
>start getting chocked and beaten by guildie
>remember i have a death alarm
>watch as i die but every door in the toilets gets bolted by ai
>sec doesnt respond
>based AI removes all the air and attempts to vent the guildie
>guildie tries to escape but cant
>guildie shoots himself
>maximum smug
this is what happens when you try to be nice on eris

Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:05 pm
by Gray
Submitted by genessee#6604

Alternative perspective on the story;

>Be me, Moebius Scientist; Micheal Brown
>Start of round is boring, coworker kind of a jerk but w/e
>Robot walks in with disk
>Eve wants to clone it, so I go out and buy insuls, screwdriver, multitool
>Hack Aster's guild vendor for the cloner circuit
>Build cloner while Eve sits around doing nothing
>Coworker named Eve tries to clone them
>"It's red, we can't clone them"
>Sigh internally
>"Let me do it," I say
>Clone disk easy-peasy, but we have shit data disks (16G) so i ask Eve to find gold
>While eve is out I tell a tech that I'll clone any disks he has for 2k each
>He agrees
>Eve says over radio that we have to give all the disks we hack to Asters as well as full access to the cloner for a crumb of uranium and gold
>Get angry, tell Eve that I had already scored a fantastic deal with Asters until she fucked it up
>Pink-haired scientist does not care
>She comes back, angrily get to work cloning disks
>Finish a Colt disk, not done yet with the rifle ammo disk
>Eve demands the disks, I only have the colt done
>I make a copy of the disk and go to Guild
>Give disk to Merchant
>"Where is the others?"
>"This is the only one I have"
>Merchant gets pissed
>"Get me the other disks or get a goon at your door"
>I tell him that I wasn't even the one who made the deal, tell him that if he wanted to send a goon somewhere send it to Eve
>Run off to the lab to finish the rifle disk
>Eve still doing nothing
>Robot comes in with three brains before I can get started on the second disk
>Stop cloning disks to make three cyborgs and stuff the MMIs in them
>Eve was helping the roboticist with his eyes, so she can't do the cyborgs
>See merchant and a techie at the desk
>Both have shotguns
>Scramble to do rifle disk while also doing cyborgs
>Eve and guildies argue for a while
>Eve demands that I give the rifle disk
>It's not done
>"Then fucking finish it"
>I call her a bitch, tell her I'm working on borgs and disk at the same time
>The guildies argue for a while, I finish the disk
>She gives the disk to the guildies before I can make a second copy
>Decide I've had enough
>Make bounty on Eve with all the money I have left
>Techie notices, asks me if I did it
>"Why would I want my own coworker to die?"
>Eve and techie believe me
>Flee to Guild
>Reveal to merchant that I was the one who made the bounty
>Tell him Eve has been sabotaging the department and promising shit that we didn't have
>Give his goon a guest pass to science
>Go back to lab, see Eve dying in medbay
>Eve ends up dying, I sit around the lab in peace repairing borgs and doing rnd
>tfw bitchy coworker gets demolished for being a 4head
Moral of the story:
Don't be a bitch to your coworkers

Re: Eris Compendium

Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2020 3:05 pm
by Gray
Submitted by Maikilangiolo#8770

>be me
>sit in the escape pod
>antag that spent three hours doing nothing drops an HE nade at his feet